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  1. #1

    Censored kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    old man n d parrot

    An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange, and purple. He had black make up around his eyes.

    The old man just stared at him. With an attitude, the boy said, "What's the matter old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

    The old man answered, "Well yes, actually I have. I got drunk once and I had sex with a parrot. I was wondering if you were my son.

  2. #2

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    how to stop church gossip

    Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business..

    Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

    She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked

    in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.





    She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !

    Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.

    He said nothing..





    Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house .... walked home . . .and left it there all night.




    (You gotta love Frank!)

  3. #3

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    This is an old one from several years ago, a list of possible slogans for International c0nd0m Week

    1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP
    2. BEFORE YOU ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER
    3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY
    4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT
    5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER
    6. YOU CAN'T GO WRONG IF YOU SHIELD YOUR DONG
    7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT
    8. IF YOU THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY
    9. IF YOU SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO c0nd0mIZE
    10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF YOU WRAP YOUR PETER
    11. SHE WON'T GET SICK IF YOU WRAP YOUR DICK
    12. IF YOU GO IN HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT
    13. WHILE YOU'RE UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS
    14. WHEN YOU TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, ZIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE
    15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER
    16. NEVER, NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER
    17. DON'T BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL
    18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION
    19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL
    20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER
    21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!
    22. IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE IT OFF, HAVE IT ON

  4. #4

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    A GUIDE TO LOVE AND SEX FOR VIRGINS

    As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive and frank "question and answer" format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everything you've ever wondered about.

    Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ?
    A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has a different ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming should act dnd look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can give you a good suggestion on where to start - and that's in a bar. That's right, go to a bar... preferably the kind that smells of stale beer
    and lots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television.

    Pick a man that looks interesting - it's best to stay away from the shallow "pretty boys" in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, I recommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possibly reassuring pot belly. Boldly approach him, offer to buy him a few beers, then invite him back to your place. He'll advise you from
    there.

    Q: How do I know if I found Mr Right ?
    A: Unfortunately, there's no sure way to tell. Therefore, I suggest you try out many different kinds of men and many different kinds of bars.

    Q: Do men like aggresive virgins?
    A: Definitely. Although they don't admit it, men are often shy - so it's up to you to be bold. In addition to bars, don't be afraid to approach men on streetcorners, in restaurants, even in restrooms. Break the ice with simple "hello", followed by an offer to buy them dinner, drinks - even an expensive gift. Then invite them to back to
    your place.

    Q: What if a man's married ?
    A: Go for it. This is a great opportunity to enjoy the valuable experience a married man possesses, without being tied down by any sort of commitment.

    Q: But what if I fall in love with a married man ?
    A: This is a tough one, especially if you're a woman and find yourself pregnant. Ask him how he feels about his wife and family. If he says his wife doesn't understand him and he's thinking of leaving her, believe him and continue your relationship, secure in the knowledge that he'll soon make good his promise. Married men rarely lie about
    such important matters.

    Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ?
    A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, experienced men are much more responsible, since they're not confused emotionally as virgins. It's a proven fact.

    Q: Should I have sex on the first date ? A: YES. Before if possible.

    Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?
    A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

    Q: How long should the sex act last ?
    A: This is a natural and normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After your man has finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out - while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

    Q: What is "afterplay" ?
    A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

    Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?
    A: Yes. Although many virgins believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about six centimeters. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is seven centimeters or over, you should go down on your knees and thank
    you lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.

    Q: What about the orgasm ?
    A: What about it ? There's no such thing. It's a myth.

    Q: Are you sure ?
    A: Will you stop asking so many questions ? Do you distrust experienced men or something? Instead, prove how much you care for your boyfriend by going out and buying him an expensive gift.

  5. #5

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    signs u are too drunk

    You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

    You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

    Your job is interfering with your drinking.

    Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.

    The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

    You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.

    24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!

    Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

    You can focus better with one eye closed.

    The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

    You fall off the floor..

    Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

    Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

    Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

    At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..'

    Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

    You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

    The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..

    You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men].

    Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

    betty la fea looks good.

    Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

    That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

    I'm as sober as a judge.

    The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

    You wake up screaming 'TORO TORO TORO!' in the middle of the night.

  6. #6

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    something to declare

    An elegant young woman on a flight to the UK
    > > was seated next to a priest. They chatted
    > > for a while then the woman asked the priest:
    > >
    > > 'Father, may I ask a favour? '
    > > ' Of course child what may I do for you? '
    > >
    > > ' Well, I bought an expensive woman 's electronic
    > > hairdryer for my Mother 's birthday which obviously is
    > > unopened but as the value exceeds the Customs’
    > > limits I 'm afraid they'll confiscate
    > > it. Is there any way you could carry it through
    > > Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?
    > > '
    > > 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn
    > > you: I will not lie. '
    > >
    > > ' With your honest face, Father, no one will question
    > > you. '
    > > When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of
    > > her.
    > > The official asked, ' Father, do you have anything to
    > > declare? '
    > > ' From the top of my head down to my waist, I have
    > > nothing to declare. '
    > >
    > > The official thought this answer strange, so
    > > asked:
    > > 'And what do you have to declare from your waist
    > > to the floor? '
    > >
    > > ' I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on
    > > a woman, but which is, to date, unused ' replied the
    > > priest.
    > >
    > > Roaring with laughter, the official said,
    > > ' Go ahead, Father. Next! '

  7. #7

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    Nice!

  8. #8

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    Quote Originally Posted by toinkzy08 View Post
    something to declare

    An elegant young woman on a flight to the UK
    > > was seated next to a priest. They chatted
    > > for a while then the woman asked the priest:
    > >
    > > 'Father, may I ask a favour? '
    > > ' Of course child what may I do for you? '
    > >
    > > ' Well, I bought an expensive woman 's electronic
    > > hairdryer for my Mother 's birthday which obviously is
    > > unopened but as the value exceeds the Customsí
    > > limits I 'm afraid they'll confiscate
    > > it. Is there any way you could carry it through
    > > Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?
    > > '
    > > 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn
    > > you: I will not lie. '
    > >
    > > ' With your honest face, Father, no one will question
    > > you. '
    > > When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of
    > > her.
    > > The official asked, ' Father, do you have anything to
    > > declare? '
    > > ' From the top of my head down to my waist, I have
    > > nothing to declare. '
    > >
    > > The official thought this answer strange, so
    > > asked:
    > > 'And what do you have to declare from your waist
    > > to the floor? '
    > >
    > > ' I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on
    > > a woman, but which is, to date, unused ' replied the
    > > priest.
    > >
    > > Roaring with laughter, the official said,
    > > ' Go ahead, Father. Next! '



    good one my friend....


    keep it up!!!

  9. #9

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    9 Things I Hate About Everyone

    1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

    2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

    3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

    4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

    5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

    6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

    7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

    8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

    9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

  10. #10

    Default Re: kaberdehan(gotcha)joke folder ko

    A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

    Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

    Your daughter, Judith

    PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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