Years ago, if you'd ask me what happiness meant, I would have told you that it was waking up next to the man I loved. He meant the world to me and I couldn't imagine living my life without him. To me, he was home. He was my best friend, number one fan and #ultimatesupporter.

We had quite an epic love story you see. We were two broken strangers who found great company in each other. Our late night talks turned into something really special. Talking to him became a crucial part of my routine as it was quite impossible to start and end my day without him.

A few weeks more, we finally went to meet each other in person. I remember quite fondly how he couldn't say a word while I mindlessly blabber in an effort to hide my nervousness. It was a cold night in Baguio city when we met, but everything about him felt warm and fuzzy. Then, just before we parted ways, we kissed and I knew that from then on, nothing would ever be the same.

Our years together was by far the most colorful part of my life. I learned so much about myself and started to see things in a new light. We went through a lot of problems especially when my parents expressed their immense disapproval. Despite that, we managed to stay strong. We worked so hard to make things work.

But like some love stories, ours ended quite tragically. Everything was a blur when we broke up. When we parted ways, a huge part of me died. From then on, I knew that the woman he fell in love with would never be the same person again.

I tried filling the void he left by dating other people - one of the many stupid mistakes I've done to cope. It was a miserable way to live.

But time does numb the pain. When, I was finally ready to let go and move on, he suddenly waltzes back into my life.

Once again, my heart started fluttering, thumping like bat-shit crazy. For a moment, I hope that we could start over. But then fear crept back in me first. There was a ton of crazy things swirling inside my messed up brain.

What if it doesn't work?

What if we break up again?

Would I be able to survive another blow?

What if we're not the same people anymore?

I made a couple of mistakes here and there, and I felt that I don't deserve him anymore.

As stupid as it sounds, I told him I've moved on and that he should do the same.

It was like going through the break-up again. That moment brought me back to that morning of March when we broke up while I was eating lunch with my family. But I know that while I did feel tormented, he felt worse than I did because he did try his best to patch things up.

It was the hardest decision I had to make.

Nevertheless, we decided to keep in touch for old times sake. Secretly, I simply wanted to know how his life would turn out without me, and I wanted him to be around even if we weren't together anymore.

But then, the day I feared finally came. he finally found a new love. And as much as it hurts to hear him tell his stories and send me photos of the new person in his life, I sincerely want him to be happy. I know I've made a lot of mistakes that caused him pain, and he didn't deserve it. I truly want him to move on.

Today, if you'd ask me again what happiness means for me, I'd tell you without hesitation that it's seeing the man I love happy, even if I'm excluded in the picture. It is indeed hard to let go of the one true love of my life, but if it meant his happiness, I'd gladly do it.