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Thread: Family Life

  1. #1

    Default Family Life

    Do you have family that completely annoys the heck out of you? It isn't a matter of making them stop, it's really changing your own point of view.

    1. Think about it. Why do they do what they're doing? Say they always make you wear a sweater when it's cold. Why? Because they care about you. If you think about why they do certain things, you're likely to realize it's all for your own good, and that you should go along with it, because it hurts them if you don't.
    2. Talk to them. Tell them you don't like what they do. Even if they're your ancient old aunts, and seemingly don't know what it's like to be a teenager, they were young once, believe it or not!
    3. Be as nice as you can. How often do you see these people anyway? It's best to keep it civil while you're around them.
    4. Ignore them, if talking to them doesn't help. Still be nice and say hello, but don't go out of your way to do or say anything to them. If they don't care, then you don't have to either.

    For a serious situation where you genuinely hate a family member, the above steps may not offer you a solution to your problem, and indeed, there probably is not a simple solution.

    1. Look at the reasons you hate them. There may be difficult issues, and each may have caused its own wounds.

    * Dishonesty. Has the family member lied or stolen from you? If they have, and you cannot resolve the issue, there may be no other recourse but to avoid dealing with them.
    * Outright mistreatment. Older siblings or cousins may be mean to you, or actually injure you. This is something that children should talk to parents about, because if it has not already caused serious injury, it may.
    * Abuse. There is no easy answer for dealing with abuse, or a person who may inflict it on you. Finding someone you can confide in and who may offer protection may be the best option.
    * Minor personality issues. These differences in philosophy, interests, or lifestyles may cause resentment, dislike, even hatred or anger.
    o Different religious views. If a family member has different views than you, it may be difficult to associate with them.
    o Different lifestyles. Perhaps your family member has a different sexual orientation, or is much more (or less) wealthy than you are.
    o Different personality. If one person is very outgoing or vain, it may be hard for a quiet or humble person to get along with them, which may lead to resentment.

    1. Deal with the above-listed issues as best you can, depending on circumstances. Family are often expect to socialize at holidays or times when social functions cause them to be at the same event. If there is a large group, you may be able to isolate yourself with some friends or other family members you are closer to.
    2. Plan events which will include family members so that you can avoid direct contact or involvement with the person you hate. You may be able to have a small Thanksgiving Lunch, or visit, prior to the larger family gathering, or get together with the family members you care about at an earlier or later time. You will need to explain to these people why you feel this is necessary, but don't go into greater detail than needed, or you may cause further resentment amoung other family members.
    3. Make excuses, if you are unable to find any other solution. This may be particularly important at holidays, and in a situation where you can not stand to face the "offensive" person. You may be able to adjust a work schedule to be on overtime, or "on call", or for younger people, you may be able to accept an invitation to spend the time with a close friend.
    4. Deal with the issue that is causing your hatred if you are able to. This may be impossible, obviously, but if you hate someone because of jealousy or some incident which can be made up for, try this option. It is better to let bygones be bygones, than to live years with hatred causing problems in your life.
    5. Accept the family member as they are, keep your feelings to yourself, and spend as little time as possible with them.

    * Always be empathetic, and think about their feelings. How would they feel if you said that to them?
    * Don't expect them to understand. If they do, it's a bonus. But many adults are set in their ways, and anyhow, most of them are trying to help you in some way.
    * Don't be rude, or selfish. If a situation deserves you to obey them, then do so, even if you don't want to. Because as stated above, many things they force upon you are for your own good.

    * Remember your relatives are most likely older than you, and therefore must be respected. Or else, you might find you're grounded, or have no pocket money.
    * Your relatives may some day be your only life line, so you be the bigger person and be nice to them!

  2. #2

    Default Re: Family Life

    Are you someone who cares about his or her family but you're finding the family emotions a little overwhelming and you're not yet living a happy family life? Then here are some suggestions that may just help you.

    1. Respect your parents. Do this not just by giving them respect, but by listening to what they say and trying your best to make them happy. Realize that you may be able to choose your friends, but you're born to your family. If there's nothing you can do to please your parents, you'll be happier if you just accept it for now and focus on pleasing yourself. Making others happy is secondary to being happy yourself. And things do change over time.
    2. Realize that life is not always going to go smoothly. Try to face the "ups and downs" in your family life with positive thinking and a cool mind. But your family doesn't have the right to make you miserable just because they're family. Try to get along, but if it doesn't work, let it go.
    3. Try to compromise whenever and wherever it's possible. When you see that the people who you love most are happy, you will have a feeling of great happiness. You will have to compromise a lot in life; family is the first environment to begin learning this important skill, amongst people who know you best and can guide you with their reactions, thoughts and suggestions. Even the things they don't tell you become a learning experience.
    4. Give occasional gifts to your family members. Surprise gifts can be great because most people love them. The best gifts tend to be the ones you make yourself, or put a lot of thought into. Also appreciated are gifts of your time; doing tasks around the house that haven't been done for a while such as painting touch-ups, restoring missing door handles etc. and clearing away clutter.
    5. Be honest with your parents, but bear in mind that they don't always need to know everything. If you get along well, you can open up, but if you don't, avoiding tender subjects can keep the peace. Sometimes saying nothing can be better for a family relationship than saying everything. Family is forever. Why fight about the little things?
    6. Feel free to communicate with each and every person in your family. Listen to them when they want to say something; try to be with them when they need you. Bear in mind that the needs of your family don't outweigh your own. Give them your time and love, not your life.
    7. Dedicate a slot, it may be once a week or once a month in which you have a 'Family Time'. This could be anything,watching a movie together, playing a game, going out on a trip, but make sure it is something everyone will enjoy.
    8. Eat together. Modern-day life makes this virually impossible to do, however, it really does change your family life dramatically -- for the better.
    9. Make time for siblings. They know you best, and they will tell you the whole truth, even when you don't want to hear it.
    10. Accept that your relationship with your family depends on both you and them. If they can't meet you halfway, you will be happier if you don't spend all of your energy making all the effort.
    11. Good values help us choose between right and wrong, good and evil. They also affect how we will spend our time, energy, and money. If children are taught good values when they are young, they are more likely to make wise decisions when they are older.
    12. Home is the best place for children to learn values. Here are some basic values you may want to teach: Love, Honesty, Morality, Civility, Lifelong learning, Forgiveness and mercy, Thrift and industry, Gratitude, Optimism and Faith. Remember, the most effective method of teaching values is through example.

    * Be patient.
    * Compromise is the most valuable tool you have.
    * Sometimes families are just dysfunctional. It happens. You come first.
    * Don't put everything down to hormones. If your teenager feels reluctant to talk to you, he or she may be upset about somethin or being bullied. Ask if everything is okay.

    * Family members are never entitled to be abusive. If they are, don't waste your time. They can't always be won over with patience and kindness. Stay out of toxic situations when you can.

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