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  1. #1

    Coffee love affairs....

    to the mods: pakilipat na lang if u think nde ito bagay dito...


    1st Affair

    A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
    One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
    Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
    The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and
    rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
    'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
    'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
    We had sex all afternoon.'
    She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been
    playing golf!

  2. #2

    Default Re: love affairs....

    The 2nd Affair
    A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
    having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
    wanted.
    The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father
    rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
    He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
    He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at
    the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind
    my back?'
    The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'Not this time!'
    Last edited by xxblu3thund3rxx; 8th Mar 2008 at 20:13.

  3. #3

    Default Re: love affairs....

    The 3rd Affair
    A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.
    Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had
    the largest private part he had ever seen!
    'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the morticia n commented, 'I can't allow you to be
    cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
    posterity.'
    So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
    'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
    opening his brief case.
    'Oh my gosh!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

  4. #4

    Default Re: love affairs....

    The 4th Affair
    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
    front door.
    'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him,
    then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said,
    'pretend you're a statue.'
    'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
    'Oh it's a statue,' she replied, 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I
    got one for us, too.'
    No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
    Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
    sandwich and a beer.
    'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at
    the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

  5. #5

    Default Re: love affairs....

    The 5th Affair
    A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
    'Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent.'
    'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much
    for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?''
    'A nickel,' the barman replied.
    'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
    The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
    The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
    The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

  6. #6

    Default Re: love affairs....

    The 6th Affair
    Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
    'I have something I must confess.'
    'There's no need to, ' his wife replied.
    'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your
    best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
    'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'

  7. #7

    Default Re: love affairs....

    WIFE and HUSBAND TALKING:


    WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
    HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

    WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
    HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

    WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
    HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

    WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
    HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

    WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
    HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

    WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
    HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

    WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
    HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

    WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
    HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

    WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
    HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "

    WIFE: - - -silence - -
    HUSBAND: "oh shit"

  8. #8

    Default Re: love affairs....

    A brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very interesting conversation and it got around to their daughters.


    The brunette said, "I went in my daughter's room the other day and found a pack of cigarettes, I didn't even know she smoked!"

    The red head said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even know she drank!"

    Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a pack of c0nd0ms, half-empty, I didn't even know she had a penis!"
    Last edited by xxblu3thund3rxx; 8th Mar 2008 at 20:26.

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